Deal Breakers and Makers

This is a paper I had to write for my Marriage and Family Relations class and I really enjoyed it! I thought it'd be fun for all you wife's to make a list of things you love and things that'd changed since you found what you wanted!

Deal Breakers and Makers

Before I was married I had so many expectations as to what I wanted to find in my husband. That, being a deal breaker in and of itself, “my husband” meaning I wanted to find the one and only, never divorce and never fight and live happily ever after. Other deal breakers and makers before I was married were:

Someone who is athletic, who could compete with me because I am very athletic

Trust Worthy

Loyal to me

Family Oriented

LDS

Temple Worthy

Has a Plan

Is doing something with his life the day I meet him, doesn’t need me to tell him to get going

Motivated

Disciplined

Goal Oriented

At least 6 feet tall weighting at least 170; tall dark and handsome

Strong

Not only athletic but some kind of ball player

Not too many skeletons in the closet

Experienced

Likes and wants children

Outgoing

Puts up a little bit of a fight, not abusive but has to have a back bone when my feisty Irish personality comes out

Must not kiss me on the first date

If he was all those things those were makers! They sealed the deal, however if he was not even one of those, I would cut the cord. Break the deal completely because if he was not one, then somewhere deep down he was not another one too, as they are all pretty easily connected. The qualities I was looking for weren’t just qualities, it was an entire personality, a whole character that would make this man who he was; and that was the hardest thing to explain when I broke up with several guys before meeting my husband. I dated many guys before I was married. I could read people like a book and it usually only took me about 2 weeks to figure them out. But if it wasn’t for all the wrong ones, I wouldn’t have learned what I really wanted anyway; for that I am grateful. Now that I am married, some deal breakers and makers have changed, but while dating my husband this is what I saw and see in him still:

Athletic and Competitive: My husband played baseball here at UVU for 4 years, got drafted by the Angels and can very well hold his own in a game of anything really.

Trust and Loyality: He is the most trust worthy and loyal man I’ve ever been with in all aspects; toward women, his religion, his family.

Family Guy: His family is extremely similar to mine and we are both very family oriented and love spending time with both sides.

LDS/ Temple Worthy: He was raised in a good home with loving parents and has remained temple worthy throughout his life.

Has a Plan: Not only was he accomplishing a major goal when I met him, D-1 Baseball, but he was graduating with a Bachelors Degree that year, I was very impressed.

Doing something with his life: The day I met him he was on top of everything going on in his life, no skeletons in the closet, no problems nothing.

Motivated/Disciplined/Goal Oriented: To me all of these things go hand in hand and they are all traits I learned to develop when I played my first two years of ball at SLCC. The coach there was awesome. She knew how to teach us to want and go after certain things and these traits I later learned I wanted to find in a spouse. My husband was also learning these traits here at UVU and was making the best of them as well.

6 feet tall, 180, tall dark and handsome: This is one that has somewhat changed. He is 6 feet tall and weighs about 195 and is very strong and well built and put together, but he is a blonde! I never thought I’d marry a blonde. The funny thing is he never thought he’d marry a brunette. However when we were dating neither of us noticed those things.

Ball Player: He was good at what he does! Perfect! Finally a guy I didn’t beat the first time we played catch or shot hoops or whatever! A legit ball player.

Skeletons: While dating other guys, I began to notice that every guy I dated either had a tattoo, drank or has had a drinking problem, did drugs, etc. As I began to think it was time to lower the standards or I’d wind up alone, my husband came along and knocked my doors off. Never drank anything smoked anything no tattoos! Too good to be true? No way.

Experienced: This comes from the one I just talked about. You see, I was always attracted to the jerks, the guys that got around because I felt like they had way more game and were a lot smoother. My husband found a way to be so cool and smooth and he didn’t have to pretend he was hard core to do it either! He just was secure with himself and that was key. He had friends and teammates who drank and slept around and everything else, but he always knew what he wanted. He could hang out with anyone and still have the swagger to be true to himself.

Children: My husband is very good with children and we plan to start a family here in a few years.

Outgoing: My husband was and is so fun. He was always looking for a way to make a date creative or fresh and even to this day he still does. We make a game out of almost everything we do and it makes chores and hanging out lots more interesting.

Puts up a fight: While dating I also noticed that I dated guys who I could walk all over because usually I was mothering them. They were insecure, and I was not. I didn’t have to tell my husband what to do he just did it. We both continue to pick up each others’ slack and even each other out. And when we do have disagreements, sure we hash it out for a good little bit and put everything out on the table and then we come to an agreement and compromise. We both come half way. This is the most important part of our marriage because we both have different opinions we will constantly be learning to blend our lives together and being able to disagree and then find a happy medium is necessary, it is great. Early on in my dating years I thought fighting was bad. I thought that fighting meant incompatible. This is so false. Now being married I feel that fighting is very healthy and it keeps the relationship grounded. That definitely does not mean that fighting involves hitting and throwing things no, if that were to happen I’d be concerned; but disagreements and heated arguments are healthy for sure.

Not kiss me on the first date: I’ve never kissed on the first date. And any guy that ever tried was just looking for a piece of action and the first date usually meant the last date. My husband didn’t kiss me till the second official date. We hung out in between a lot but the official dates were what mattered, where he was actually courting me. I still felt it was early, but he had a rule that was “first date’s too early third date’s too late.” He did a good job!

Overall, I’ve learned that my husband met most of my deal breakers. I never thought I’d end up with someone so laid back, yet motivated. He is such an even kill kind of guy and he really helps me out when I stress out. And he makes me laugh, which was also a deal breaker. All around I wound up with what I needed and what I wanted.